Monthly Archives: July 2012

No poop for 60hrs

YUP. NO POOP!!! Tons of gases (very smelly ones) but no poop. Poor lad. Tomorrow I’m calling our ped to see what can be done.

I’ve tried massages, bycicles, warm baths…NADA.

Apparently it does happen around this time at six – seven weeks? My friend’s baby who was only breastfed went one whole week without pooping. Oh my.

My boy was pooping several times a day and all of sudden stopped.

Is it just now that he is reacting to formula?

Six weeks postpartum

So six weeks has passed since giving birth. WOW! I had my check up today. All good, just need to take it easy when exercising. I weigh 70kg so I only lost 2kg 😦 I need to do something about that….I don’t fit into my jeans yet and that is frustrating me. I can only wear my sweats or leggings. Anything that presses on my scar is not comfortable. When I stand up my stomach appears OK and kinda looking flat. As soon as I sit down, a fat roll appears. I never ever in my life had that problem. I know, I need to be patient to lose the weight, but it’s so damn frustrating for me.

Also Dr.J. was very funny…he said to me…”when you stop breastfeeding, wait two months and then come and see me for check up and we can start with baby N°2!”…what!?!?!! My mouth fell open. I’m not ready to even think about another baby. I’m still getting used to the idea of being a mom finally after so many years. I know he means well. He is saying that the sooner the better, because it can happen naturally and might not need fertitlity treatments.

My hubby also told me the other day, that if I fall pregnant naturally, then we can have more children, but if it means to go through the fertility process again, he’d rather not and we stay with one baby only. I don’t know how I feel yet about another baby. My heart wants but my mind says not yet. I loved being pregnant…but giving birth is not so great and then the no sleeping period is not cool either. I am not complaining, just saying that rose colored glasses have been taken off and I can see clearly that motherhood is hard. I love my boy to bits and enjoy every moment with him, but I also love my ‘me’ time.

My incision scar is ok, just when I do a bit more it swells up. I guess, exercise is not on the cards yet. Dr. J. says wait at least two more weeks. I just need a proper sweating and moving. That works for me to release stress. I miss running. I miss that freedom it gives me. The moment of being alone, running and listening to music and feeling carefree.

But step by step….walking will do for now.

Morning Smiles

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This little face makes my days brighter and happier!

This little man is growing at rapid speed and eats sooo much LOL. He is eating already 3.5oz per feeding at night. During the day I don’t have time to even eat, because he is stuck on my boobs. HEEEELP! By 5pm I am so tired from BF that I can’t wait for 8pm to bathe him and give him his 3oz of formula to release me from BF duty for a while. I don’t have time or what to pump during the day, because he EATS it all. I only pump in the morning, which gives me two feedings of 3.5oz. I supplement him twice with formula. Once after his bath at around 8pm and then around 8am in the morning. In between he eats my expressed milk. During the day is just my breasts. But I am thinking of trying to switch or even add one more formula to the mix for the day.

My back and my arms are killing me. And he won’t sleep during the day much. From 11am is awake mostly until 5pm with maybe 30mins of sleep that he passes in my arms anyway. So I hold him or BF this whole time. I am tired. I need a change. So I am trying to put him tummy down for his naps on my bed after his feedings during the day. Yay! He slept for an hour straight. In days I could lunch in quiet and eat slowly.

He also loves spending time in his bouncer and on the gym mat. That is where the above pic was taken. He laughs at the mobile animals hanging from it.

I am also getting bored staying at home all the time. I am tired of watching junk TV. I need to get out. But the weather here is shitty at the moment. Winter in Lima is humid, specially near the ocean where we live. It’s not as cold as Prague during winter, but the humidity gives me headaches and I sneeze and cough all the time.

But next week it will be 6 weeks and after my check up I plan to start leaving the house. At least for a half hour walks. Sitting at home is making my body rigid and aching all over.

Judgement Day

Today is my son’s first month. Today I cried a lot. Today I was judged by a dear friend. Today sucked. Today is Friday 13th.

She wrote me a couple days ago asking how am I doing. I wrote her the truth. Perhaps my tone was a bit sarcastic and light, but I admitted to not coping very well and hiring a night nurse for a month. She did not reply.

Last night was our 4th wedding anniversary so we went out for couple of hours to dinner. Grandma and grandpa and the night nurse took care of our little one. I couldn’t wait to get back home, but it was nice to be out.

This morning I sent her an instant message saying how nice it was to get out. She replied that she was happy for me, but doesn’t understand my email and was unable to respond to it. I asked her why. She told me, that being a mother of two, who went through two painful and traumatic C.sections, had no help whatsoever and didn’t go out alone with her partner for four years finds my ”complaining” ridiculous and rather not comment further. I prompted her to tell me what is wrong with having help while I was sick so I could recover.

What is so wrong with having someone to clean my house and help me get some rest? She said that after many years of trying to have this precious miracle baby, I should be a better fighter and handle it better, be stronger and not such a wimp. How other women handle it when they cannot afford any help? I replied that I absolutely admire those strong mothers, but unfortunately, I’m not one of those.

I’m weak, depressed and struggling. So I asked for help. I can afford it, so why suffer and let my baby suffer? I’m fragile, over-sensitive and needy person. Ok. I can’t help it, that is who I am. I felt hurt by her. I told her, I’m really sorry she doesn’t understand, and if i hurt her feelings I’m truly sorry, but I’m not dealing well with this and her way of supporting me is not helping. She apologized for being harsh. She said, that she was just trying to make me see, that others have it harder and I should be grateful. I said I am very grateful for having the choice and I know that others may suffer more than me, that my situation to someone may appear easy and breezy. Well, not to me it isn’t. Should I apologize for being weak, for wanting to have a life, for being able to rest? OK. I am sorry y’all.

Baby update

My baby boy is a lot awake during the day now. Cooing, gurgling, making all kinds of noises, smiling and turning head following my voice. He really looks at me now. So seriously.

He is slowly outgrowing his newborn outfits and starting to wear more 0-3months, which is still loose on him, but not so tight like the NB size is getting.

Today he pooped and peed on me like three times within one hour. Jolly fella, isn’t he?

On Thursday is his 1 month peds appointment and our 4th wedding anniversary. I hope I can extract enough milk so we can go out for the first time since his arrival for a dinner.

I am also looking forward to start leaving the house a bit more. Going for walks instead of being closed inside all the time. I’m getting bored with that. Watching too much TV lately while breastfeeding. I’m getting hooked on all kinds of TV shows. Once upon a time…Dallas…Are we there yet?…etc…

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❤ My little boy ❤

 

Baby blues

I’m at my wits end. I have a terrible cold since Thursday so apart from not getting any sleep, I’m totally dead. I have cried the last couple days of pure exhaustion. I’m ready at times to throw in the towel and supplement him with formula. I’m fighting it big time though. I feel as if i do that, I screwed up everything up until now. My three weeks of pure breastmilk. I had call the night nurse to come back for two nights to recover a bit. The issue now is that I stopped pumping since Monday. So now when I pump, I only get a little now. Big mistake huh. Well, my little boy is eating almost every hour during the day and every two at night, so you see, I had no time to pump anyway. Just boob. boob. boob. No sleep, no rest and stressed out. I guess I am not to be surprised that my milk is low and he doesn’t get full enough during the day. It happens in the afternoon. Around 3pm. He can go on and off the boob until 6pm. Where is my sleeping angel gone? He is not awake, just fussy, moves a lot a after a while cries out so hard it scares me. The only time he calms down is my on my boob and then cuddles. Perhaps a growth spurt?

Also he sucks on my boob sometimes only for comfort. Do I introduce a pacifier? I’m not so keen on those, so I don’t know. Everyone is telling me to make things easier on myself…like our pediatrician..give him a bit of formula to fill him up, pacifier is ok…oh my, I don’t know what to do!!! In many baby books they do not suggest pacifier at all. Only for really colicky babies. Mine is not colicky. Just hungry I guess? But then again, he has a wet diaper every two hours and poops regularly and a lot too.

I’m just really tired. I’m not happy. I don’t enjoy my time with my son as I should. I dread each time he moans. I like him sleeping. I don’t have energy to play with him or talk to him. I don’t even have a voice at the moment. My throat is killing me.

So first step is that we hired for a month a night nurse. After my hubby convinced me that I need help and I need to sleep. Else I will collapse. I cried with guilt and relief at the same time.

I think that all the TTC years and infertility treatments, surgeries and unwanted C.section is finally hitting me hard. Bloody hormones.